Sibling rivalry… every parent has seen it, dealt with it, and maybe even dreaded it. The bickering, the competition, the cries of “It’s not fair!”—it’s enough to test anyone’s patience. But here’s the thing: sibling rivalry is normal. It’s part of growing up together. The key is not to eliminate it completely (because, let’s be real, that’s impossible) but to manage it in a way that strengthens the bond between siblings rather than breaking it.
So, how do you do that? Here are seven practical tips to help you handle sibling rivalry effectively.
1. Avoid Comparisons at All Costs
It’s tempting to say things like, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” or “Your sister never acts like this.” But comparisons—intentional or not—fuel rivalry. Each child is unique, and they need to feel valued for who they are, not how they measure up to their sibling.
Instead of comparing, highlight each child’s strengths. If one is great at sports and the other excels in art, celebrate their individual talents. Let them shine in their own way.
2. Encourage Teamwork, Not Competition
Instead of setting them up as rivals, find ways to make them work as a team. Give them joint projects—whether it’s setting the table together, planning a weekend activity, or solving a puzzle. When siblings cooperate, they start seeing each other as allies rather than opponents.
You can also use phrases like, “You two make a great team!” or “How about we solve this together?” Reinforcing teamwork fosters a sense of unity.
3. Teach Conflict Resolution Skills
Let’s face it—disagreements are inevitable. But rather than playing referee all the time, teach them how to resolve conflicts on their own.
Encourage them to:
- Express their feelings calmly (“I feel upset when you take my toy without asking”).
- Listen to the other person’s perspective.
- Find a solution that works for both.
If emotions are running high, step in as a coach rather than a judge. Say things like, “I see both of you are upset. Let’s figure out a way to fix this together.”
4. Give Each Child Individual Attention
Sometimes, rivalry stems from a need for attention. When kids feel they have to compete for your time, they may act out more. Try to carve out one-on-one time with each child, even if it’s just 10 minutes a day.
It could be reading a bedtime story, taking a short walk, or having a quick chat about their day. Quality over quantity is key—kids thrive when they feel valued individually.
5. Set Clear Rules and Boundaries
Kids need to know what’s acceptable and what’s not. If hitting, name-calling, or taking things without permission is off-limits, make that clear. And, more importantly, enforce the rules consistently.
Instead of saying, “Stop fighting!” try, “In our house, we solve problems with words, not hands.” Having set boundaries helps reduce chaos and keeps things fair for everyone.
6. Let Them Work Things Out (When Possible)
Parents often rush to intervene at the first sign of a fight. But unless things are getting out of hand, give them a chance to sort it out themselves. This helps them develop negotiation and problem-solving skills.
Of course, if things escalate into physical fights or persistent bullying, step in. But minor arguments over toys or who sits where? Let them handle it. You might be surprised at how capable they are of finding their own solutions.
7. Model the Behavior You Want to See
Children learn by watching. If they see you handling conflicts calmly, treating others with respect, and being fair, they’ll likely do the same.
Try saying things like, “I’m feeling frustrated, so I need a moment to cool down,” or “Let’s talk about a solution that works for everyone.” When you model patience and kindness, they pick up on those behaviors.
Final Thoughts
Sibling rivalry isn’t something you can (or should) eliminate completely. It’s a part of growing up with a sibling. What matters is how you guide your children through it.
By avoiding comparisons, encouraging teamwork, teaching conflict resolution, and setting clear boundaries, you can help them build a strong, lifelong bond. And who knows? The same siblings who argue over toys today may just be each other’s biggest supporters tomorrow.
Got any tried-and-tested strategies for handling sibling rivalry?
